In my 3 Joy Groups, each week we do appreciation and a brief time of sensing Immanuel’s presence and asking Him what He wants us to know. (A link to other details of my Joy Groups.) I noticed that our sharing time at the beginning was growing longer and longer leaving little time for lessons. I also wanted to help group members to tighten up how we shared during class lessons as my teaching style is to ask questions and encourage interaction. Covering content is not my goal as anyone who knows me knows, but we needed a balance. After some weeks of pondering a way to put this all on the table and seeking some others’ opinions, the following is what I came up with. It was very well received by all three groups. I share it here in case it might help others of you doing Joy Groups.
Reason for Sharing
My goal is to help us learn a relational skill. I want to speak to how we are spending our time and tighten up a little bit without squelching anyone or giving out any kinds of rules. I especially don’t want to scare the quiet people. It is very important that our groups are a safe and caring place for everyone. I want to try some of what’s below for a while and then re-evaluate. Please don’t hear rules, laws, or performance.
A Timer to Help Us Practice
My ideal for group time is to start by 10 minutes after the set time. Then take about 10 minutes for appreciation, and about 10 minutes for Immanuel sharing. At this point, appreciation stories and Immanuel stories need to be less than 1 minute. People who are late can just enter and sit down and join wherever they come in. (We won’t stop to hug late comers.)
We will have guided sharing/questions/discussion during lessons. I want interaction and I love questions. This says that stories relating to things we are discussing need to be less than 3 minutes. In order to help people who do a lot of the sharing, we will use a timer to help us practice keeping stories short. The timer is for practicing a relational skill, not to cause shame. Some might be uncomfortable but that is part of Joy Group—to get comfortable with doing uncomfortable things. We find the timer to brings some laughs along the way.
Tips for Shorter Stories
It will be good to practice not making a comment on every comment. We want to limit the number of times we speak in order for quieter people to have time to share. We want to stay on topic. It’s part of the facilitator’s job to bring us back if we get off topic. One main thing that helps shorten stories is if we learn to share very few details to set up our story. This is similar to sharing Immanuel stories where we don’t share thorny details.
Learning to Synchronize is the Key
One reason for learning these skills is to improve our skill of synchronizing by watching others to see if they are listening or are getting overwhelmed. If we overwhelm people, they do not feel safe. Synchronizing means we are very conscious of the other person and not so focused on (maybe subconsciously) wanting to let others know how much we know. I will try to help with synchronizing as we practice. (I want to do it kindly.) I might ask quieter ones if they have any thoughts on the question. We want our comments and stories to be life-giving. We want to give those who process more slowly time to speak.
Joy Groups are Unique
Most of us, especially newer people, have been in regular church groups. My Joy Groups are unique in that people don’t usually come unless they really want to grow and look at themselves and be open; be open to healing of memories, share deeply and learn how to deal with good shame (correction). In my Joy Groups I want to help people learn to suffer well, stop avoiding pain, and know what to do with their hurts and pain. I spend a lot of time on the Maturity Stages and encourage maturity and character growth.
It’s possible for us to slide into being like other groups that are more for fellowship/chatting, etc. I want us to have fellowship, but on a deeper level, so it’s important to stay on topics. I will always be watching to see if we begin trying to fix someone. (Remember we don’t hurry to give Kleenex if someone is crying.) Fixing is a hard habit to break but an important part of what I am teaching.
Sharing Pain versus Sharing A Story
When someone is hurting and begins to share deeply, this is not a time for using the timer. It might take some Spirit discernment on the part of the facilitator to know the difference. This will be the time for noticing if people are trying to “fix” the hurting person by giving truth or advice before validating and comforting. Some people will know they are just going to tell a story that fits with the discussion and will ask for the timer.
My Heart
Everyone is welcome to come early to visit or to stay late to visit. I am 99% of the time ready 30 minutes prior to our starting time. It’s also great to spend time together outside of group.
My heart is to model and grow us into gentle protectors who are sensitive to others and have life-changing relational skills in our Right Brains.
Love this! Almost like you are chronicling the growth and development of a joy group and explaining the goals and objectives of building a healthy, growing, safe, supportive group identity.
Thanks. I shared it and it went over very well. Good feedback.