Worry plagues all of us. Worry overwhelms some of us. Recently I have been pondering this debilitating topic that happens in our Left Brain. We ruminate, go straight to “What-If Land,” and desperately try to figure out how we can prevent a dreaded outcome. Knowing how the brain works is helping me see a way out. It came to me that worry can be another way to avoid emotional pain.
Worry is a Lie
How to stop avoiding emotional pain is a topic I am constantly teaching people in my groups and counseling. Click here for the book. When I met Dr. Jim Wilder in 1993, learning what to do with emotional pain changed my life. He taught me to stop avoiding it and to feel it.
So in my ponders about a recent counseling session, I asked myself, “Why did I not tell that person to feel the worry?” I then heard this awesome answer: “Because worry is a lie!”
Most of us know in our heads that we are not to worry because there are lots of verses in the Bible that tell us so.
“Be anxious for nothing. . .”
We are told hundreds of times,
“Fear not. . .”
“God has not given us a spirit of fear. . .”
Here is where knowing the relational brain science comes in. We can move head knowledge to heart knowledge as we re-train our brains. The feelings we are not to avoid are on the Right Side of our brains. It seems to me that worrying is a way to avoid at least one of them–sadness.
Don’t Use Worry to Avoid Sadness
Avoiding sadness, (or despair, or fear) stirs that stinky pot of worry. Believing we can control an outcome keeps us from feeling the sadness that will come with a dreaded outcome. What we need is someone to sit with us while we feel how sad it would be if the dreaded outcome happens. Facing and feeling the emotion diminishes its sting. After we feel what we’ve been trying to avoid, someone can help us see our situation through God’s eyes and perspective.
Stay in the Moment
Seeing God’s perspective reminds us that the future is the Lord’s business. It’s something we cannot control; and most importantly, whatever happens when we get there, He will be there waiting for us. He heals the past by showing He was with us there; and He calls us to stay in the the Moment. We stay in the Moment because that is where He is–The Great I AM! Staying in the Moment is the Death of Worry. It’s trusting the Lord to be with us either way. It is rest.
The Great I Am is in the Moment
Lately there has been an extremely difficult circumstance in my life that wants to draw me strongly to What-If Land—the Land of Worry. One day it hurt so much to consider What-If Land that I practiced staying in the Moment by saying out loud,
“Right now I am shampooing my hair. Now I am rinsing. Now I am . . .”
I continued to look at Him by saying,
“You are here, Jesus. You are real. I can trust You. And I will keep my eyes on You and stay in the moment. I won’t go to What-If Land.”
Turning to Him is the key. I still felt the pain and sadness of the circumstance, but I was not worrying. And I was not alone.
Death to Worry
As I turn to Jesus and remember that staying in the moment is the death to worry; He is deepening my trust. He’s using the difficult circumstance to draw me deeper into Himself and help me rest in His love. I don’t want to live in fear and what-if; I want to keep my eyes on Him. Right here in the Moment. What-If Land takes us straight to worry. Worry is a lie.
Thank you for sharing this Barbara. Because of you and your ministering to me I don’t worry as much as I used to. And this is a great reminder of truth. I am praying for you too.
Hi Barbara,
I just found you today through the life model works shop. I met Jim and Chris at an International Trauma Retreat as a counsellor many years ago and trained with them at retreats and online studies. I’ve lead retreats, book studies and did Connexus with a lovely group of people in my hometown.
Your blog is wonderful! Thank you! I resonate one hundred percent with your take on worry originating in What-If-Land and it’s already a relief to think of it as an action we allow where the enemy surely extracts our energy of joy in the Lord with lies. Understanding my fear and despair this way is going to go a long way in keeping me resting in my Lord. I too have recently encountered several very devastating situations in my life. I’m so glad I found your blog!