Helping each other do hard things and allowing room for mistakes are other signs of a grace-filled family. Remember that learning to do hard things is part of maturing during the Child Stage of life.
As we train the child to pick up after himself, help with chores around the house, do homework, and learn to relate well with others, we don’t simply order the child to do them, but we share the tasks until skills are learned.
A grace-filled family leaves room for trial and error
During the learning, a grace-filled family always leaves lots of room for trial and error and practice, without yelling or condemnation for mistakes. There is discipline with love and instruction done in a spirit of togetherness. When failures come they are met with love and concern, not rejection.
Children need room to fail while still in the safe confines of a loving home. Perfectionism has no place in a grace-filled family. Living with perfectionism breeds many problems down the road and is a killer of joy all along the way.
We will never achieve perfection or find it in any other person except God. If perfection is the standard, children only feel unworthy, unimportant and inadequate.
Discipline with grace
Sometimes disciplining with grace can be very powerful. It works very well to introduce children to the idea of grace after they have partially “paid” a consequence for an offense. Depending on the event and the attitude of the child, a consequence can be shortened in order to teach about grace.
For example, if the consequence is three days without computer games, and the child has been having a good attitude about the whole incident, you can talk to the child about God’s grace to us when we fail/sin and that today you want to show her grace by taking one day off the consequence. We won’t do this every time, but we can do it now and then as an expression of grace. The child will internalize a deep message about God’s grace, acceptance and love.
Excellent post and I could not agree with you more! As a “recovering” perfectionist, and having grown up in an environment where perfection was taught, demanded and expected, my journey has been long and difficult, to say the least. I’ve learned to discard the lie of “perfectionism,” but, it has not been an easy task. Many times I’ve believed recovery or healing was impossible and out of reach for me. I believed and felt I was trapped for all eternity in this faulty and unhealthy thinking and lifestyle.
Barbara, in your post you state that perfectionism is a “killer of joy,” and leaves a person believing they are “unloved, unworthy and inadequate!” Not only do we believe these things about ourselves, we assume God and others see us this way too. Instead of living and operating from grace in our own life, and in how we relate to God, and others, we assume and believe we are totally unacceptable and unloved! The bigger tragedy is when we begin to expect and demand perfection from others.
What an incredible discovery to finally realize that perfection is only found in God Himself. He never expected nor placed the demand of perfection onto us. The truth of this discovery has been both liberating and healing. I am so thankful for the unconditional and grace-filled love of Jesus! Without the healing of His grace and unconditional love, I would not have allowed His love to penetrate my wounded and broken heart. I’m convinced I would not have survived. That might sound extreme; but it’s not, because perfection is a destroyer of life and is destructive beyond words. It truly threatens to consume and destroy everything in its path!
As always, I love reading your post, Barbara, as I continue to learn and grow from you. Thank you for taking your time to teach others what you’ve learned along the way.
Kiki
Loved how you expounded on my post. So glad God has set us free!